I haven't exactly decided how I'm going to do this, and I'm not even sure how long this is going to take. It's been a while in the making, but I've honestly been avoiding writing this. I suppose now is as good a time as any. I've decided to make this blog post in the form of me writing a letter to myself, almost as a third party observer. Here goes:
My Dearest Steven,
I am so sorry to hear what's happened to you. I'm sure no words of mine can express the amount of pain and sorrow that you feel at this moment. I'm sure there have been many that have offered their sincerest condolences. And while this provides you with a sort of stability, I know you have to suffer through this alone. But I wanted to write to you and let you know how much I care for you.
Looking at you from the outside, everything seemed so perfect. For you, everything was falling into place. Your family has been so perfectly wonderful with you. Your friends have been fantastically supportive. You are more than excelling in your grad school program. I'm sure for many, this is what it probably looked like.
I don't know the exact reason why things ended between you and your fiancé. I'm sure you've struggled with those questions yourself. The important thing to remember is that all is not lost, all is not over, and there is so much to be learned from your experiences!
Let me tell you about the growth I've seen in you: you've become more patient, less sarcastic, more loving, more open, a better communicator, a better son and brother, a better friend, you appreciate the little things more, you've found more of a control over your own destiny, you're happier, you're healthier, and just overall, you're a better person.
I'm pretty sure I just saw you roll your eyes at me through the letter. Those things I said are true! I know...it's hard to believe that kind of stuff when you're just sitting there reading this, and especially when you're feeling so self-conscious you can hardly stand to look at yourself. Remember, these things do pass.
You yourself know from countless hours of studying that emotions are never permanent. Sure, sometimes they last longer than other times. And yes, I would dare say you've had your fair share of painful emotions. But those experiences too, have long since disappeared and now you can view them and take all the good, and leave behind all the bad.
Give yourself a break, Steven. Please do! You and your ex are two completely different people. Don't look at him and just see what's on the outside. You know that people put on brave faces, as I know you've been trying to do for this past little while. If I were to look at you now, to read your Facebook posts, to give you a call or shoot you a text, I'd say you're doing pretty fantastically well! I remember your first break up, and let's just say that I'm glad I don't have to wait days for that couch to dry again (ya know...all the tears).
Also, it's time to stop viewing yourself as the lower of two people in a relationship. I know you. When you come across someone you have a crush on, you automatically think to yourself "I'm so lucky that he likes me..." or something of that nature. Knock it off! You are beautiful and amazing just the way you are. Sometimes I want to grab your shoulders and give you shaken-steven-syndrome so that I can knock some sense into you!
Do you know what you have to offer? Let me try to give you an idea: you own your own home, you own a car, you are in grad school (at 24 years old), you have a 4.0 in grad school, you have many friends, you love the symphony, you appreciate the arts, you can see the beauty in others that many miss, you push to improve yourself, you seek good and uplifting things and people, you refrain from viewing vulgar or trashy things on television, you're funny, you have a great smile, you are SO cute, you have an incredible ability to listen, you feel things deeper than most, you have a great job, you love to read, you are musically gifted, you have a great sense of style, you make people feel welcome in your home, you know how to cheer people up, you can empathize with others, you are sincere, you are spiritual, and most importantly of all, I like you just the way you are.
I could continue, but I'd rather not give you a big head (plus I know your readers might get bored). So give it up Steven. You never have been, nor are lesser than anyone out there. You are incredible! So BE incredible! Don't hide what you have. Be confident in yourself, and in your wonderful qualities.
Ya you're single, but so what? Being single does not make you any less of a person. Knowing you, you'll get to the point where you don't even care about finding a relationship, and I have a feeling that that's when you'll find the man of your dreams. Yes, your ideal man is probably pretty hard to find. But hey, you're worth the wait.