Have you ever had one of those nights where you'd rather just not go out? I'm having one of them. I was planning on going clubbing and now I'm just not really in the mood. I know right? *gasp* Steven doesn't want to go dancing?! Oh the horror!
No but really, I'm in a perfectly fine mood, I'd just rather stay in than go out. But my boyfriend wanted to go dancing so off he went.
Honestly, I feel like we have a very good balance between us. We've spent every day for the past week together. We're not sick of each other at all. I know when to give him space so he can keep up with his friends and family, and he lets me have my family and friend time too. Neither of us wants to be "that guy" that falls off the face of the planet when they enter in a relationship!
So here I am. I've kinda been reflecting lately and thought I'd share with you what's been on my mind.
I am no longer working at the Oakley School. Actually, I was put on administrative leave. There were a couple people there that were very unprofessional. So when I filled out my exit survey, I gave them honest feedback about some of these individuals. The school said they'd like to look into it but that it might be awkward to have me there while they do so they paid me for my last two weeks of work and I didn't even have to go in!
Honestly it's been kinda nice! The only sad thing is that I couldn't say goodbye to my students. They said I could write a letter, which I did, but then when my coworkers read the letter to my kids, some administration said it wasn't okay anymore so not all of my kids got to hear it!
I didn't think I'd miss my kids as much as I do. Honestly, they were a great example to me of love, patience and understanding. There were times when I didn't think anyone cared about me and one of them would do something for me that would just make me smile. It was wonderful!
My boyfriend and I went on a little trip to Vegas together this past week. We only spent two nights at the New York New York, but it was absolutely wonderful! We went clubbing, walked the strip, went shopping, saw two amazing shows, had great food, and most importantly, just enjoyed being with each other. The more time I spend with him, the more I fall in love.
It seems like every relationship goes on a vacation. It's almost like testing the waters to see if two people are really compatible. In my past relationships, there have always been some really serious discussions and some arguments too. But not this one! There have been times when I've been upset, but he just talks me through it. And there are times when I can tell he's a little off, and I'm very understanding.
My theory about true and everlasting love is that you always put the other person first. I've been doing that a lot more lately and it's helped me from getting in my depression cycle where I focus too much on me and getting what *I* want. When my boyfriend comes first, I am honestly happier than when I put myself first.
It has been a little tough lately. He has some really close friends who haven't been all that supportive when it came to him coming out to them. He and I talk about it and he feels better after. What really troubles me is the kind of people these people claim to be.
They're LDS (Mormon), and are supposedly kind, understanding, loving and accepting. But this doesn't seem to be the case withs one of them. I see rejection, pain, suffering, and pride. Pride in the fact that they refuse to associate with someone who isn't exactly like them.
And what a boring life that would be if we were all the same. I mean, Christ himself was friends with everyone. I don't ever remember reading in the Bible him going up to someone, finding out that they were this way or that, and saying, "I'm sorry, you're against my religion and I'm going to shun you now..."
No way! He was never like that! But then some of these friends act just like that! They can be so hypocritical and hyper sensitive. And there is no way to reason with them. They are black and white thinkers and won't be brought out of it.
It just bugs me, and honestly makes me sad. If I were that way towards a certain ethnic, religious, or any other group, I would be so much more lonely and less happy than I am now. If I look at my group of friends, I have friends from all sorts of different backgrounds! They make me who I am today. I am so much more understanding, loving, patient, and generous with those from different backgrounds. No one deserves to be discriminated against just because of how they were made. God made them beautiful, just the way they are.
My father once told me something after I came out, and honestly it made me cry. He said, "You know Steven, maybe you being gay isn't a test for you to overcome. Maybe it's a test for everyone else to see if they will love you like God commands us to love everyone."